Concrete Detail #1

Write using visual images

This detail includes sensory images; those images that allow our senses to be awakened.

Sight

Smell

Touch

Sound

Taste

-Hair that was changing from brown to gray.

-The way his eyes danced in the twilight, the way his hair moved with the breeze, the way the corners of his mouth formed a dimple at the ends of his lips, was enough to sweep her away forever.

Concrete Detail #2

Write with proper nouns

Don’t use words like things and stuff or pronouns when the nouns can be used. Use words like the Abercrombie shirt he gave me for Christmas, and the four bags of Doritos she ate after dinner.

These show specifics. This is the type of information you need to include in your paper.

-The National Book Critics circle named The Woman Warrior the best non-fiction work of the year. –YES

-They named that book the best. –No

Concrete Detail #3

Use Numbers

Using dates, statistics, and numbers adds validity to your paper. It increases the accuracy of what you are trying to prove.

-When 27% of the population was found to be in debt greater than their annual income in 1984, the government created a tax credit that would begin in the tax year 1987. –Yes

-Many people owed more than they had, so changes were made to the tax credits. –No

Concrete Detail #4

Use Hyphenated Words

(This is a smiley trick used by Mrs. Fassler also)

Hyphenated words increase vocabulary level.

-He had an open-door policy.

-When he hung up the phone he cursed that no-good-for-nothing-lying-two-timing girl.

Concrete Detail #5

Use color

When color is used you enhance the visualization of the reader. Not only are you trying to argue your thesis, but you also want the reader to actually see what you are trying to describe.

This is also a sight technique as in Concrete Detail #1

- When the sun set, her hair was shinning. –No

- When the pale blue sky showed a setting sun with rays of orange and pink streaming across the horizon, her hair reflected the purest shade of auburn highlights. –Yes

*This needs to be an extra sentence on your sentence variety due date. So if you are using color for your Visual images sentence, you will need another one for this.

Concrete Detail #6

Use Quotes

Your note cards are your quotes. You will/should have quotes all over the place. As long as you’ve put them in your paper, you’ve used a quote.